Being An Expat Spouse: How To Make The Best Of Your New Life

Moving abroad to further your partner’s career can be exciting and challenging in equal measure. It offers an opportunity to travel, embrace a new culture and can even give you a better quality of life. Yet adapting to a new country and customs isn’t easy. When you get to your new home, everything is unfamiliar, and you may not have the anchor of a job in your area of expertise to provide you with some stability. It isn’t surprising that being a ‘trailing spouse’ makes the whole expat experience more challenging.

Overcoming these difficulties can be hard work but with time and persistence it can be done. So, how can you make the most of this opportunity and learn to thrive in an unfamiliar environment? Let’s take a closer look at expat spouses and ‘trailing partners’.

In this article

• What is an expat trailing partner?
• Challenges of being an expat spouse
• What is trailing spouse syndrome?
• Tips to overcome the challenges of being an expat spouse

Key takeaway

For many expat spouses, the biggest challenges are identity, work restrictions and rebuilding a support network. The good news is that with the right preparation, support and mindset, it’s possible to thrive.

Being an expat spouse: how to make the best of your new life

In many cases, becoming an expat spouse means putting your own career on hold for the sake of your partner’s job. That, added to the upset of leaving your family and friends behind, can take an emotional toll.

We examine how you can start building a new identity for yourself, and what to do if cracks start to appear in your relationship because you’re struggling to settle.

What is an expat trailing partner?

A trailing partner is a term used to describe someone who follows their spouse or partner to another country because of a work assignment, often for a large international company.

The phrase was coined by Wall Street Journal writer Mary Bralove in 1981 to convey how some wives sacrifice their own lives and careers for the benefit of their husband’s work. Of course, times have moved on, and these days a trailing spouse can refer to any gender and any kind of long-term partnership.

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Challenges of being an expat spouse

While relocating to another country and adapting to a new culture and language can be daunting for anyone, it’s often tougher for the trailing spouse. They may be left alone to run the family household and carry out errands in a strange city while their partner is at work and supported by a ready-made social network.

The reality is that the trailing spouse often gives up more, has less support available to them and can struggle with no longer being an equal partner in the relationship.

It’s perhaps, therefore, no surprise that many expat spouses have a hard time adjusting to the culture shock of living abroad. And if the change in lifestyle includes swapping a career for full-time parenting, an even bigger adjustment is needed. Whether you’re a female or male trailing partner, you need to be comfortable with your partner being the main breadwinner.

Not all expat spouses have the same experience

Expat spouse experiences are not one-size-fits-all. While the term “trailing spouse” has traditionally been associated with women following male partners abroad, modern expat families are far more diverse.

Today, trailing partners may be male, part of a same-sex couple, or in non-traditional family structures. Each group can face unique challenges, particularly when relocating to countries with differing attitudes towards gender roles, LGBTQ+ rights or family recognition.

Being aware of local laws, social norms and support networks is especially important for expat spouses from underrepresented or marginalised groups, as these factors can significantly affect how easily they are able to settle and feel secure abroad.

The concept of family forms the bedrock of society

Learn more about cultural attitudes to family around the world

What is trailing spouse syndrome?

Trailing spouse syndrome refers to symptoms suffered by the partners of expats, which usually develop during their first year of living abroad. It’s when feelings of anxiety and regret about the decision to move start to take over. The main symptoms are:

Homesickness and loneliness

When you move to a new location, it’s normal to miss your old life until you settle in. But, for some people, that feeling of loneliness and isolation doesn’t always pass. Expats on assignment often have high-powered jobs, with long working hours and regular networking events to attend, leaving their spouse home alone for long periods.

Loss of identity

For many people, their career is part of who they are. If that is put on hold, it can cause resentment. Research suggests that many expat spouses were working before relocating, and for some, stepping away from a career can have a significant impact on identity and confidence.

While traditional expat assignments often meant a complete pause in employment for trailing partners, remote and flexible working has changed the landscape for some spouses. Depending on visa restrictions and employer policies, some expat spouses are now able to continue working remotely, freelance, or retrain for new roles that better suit a mobile lifestyle.

However, access to remote work is not universal, and many trailing partners still experience a loss of professional identity when relocating abroad. Rebuilding a sense of purpose often takes time, particularly when adjusting to a new culture, language and social environment at the same time.

Relationship problems

Becoming an expat spouse can also shift the balance within a relationship. When one partner is focused on a demanding role with a built-in professional network, and the other is managing life at home in an unfamiliar environment, feelings of imbalance can develop.

Loneliness and lack of self-worth can lead to feelings of jealousy, resentment, abandonment and neediness, all of which can cause arguments and a decline in your relationship.

Research into internationally mobile families suggests that open communication, realistic expectations and shared decision-making are particularly important during the first year abroad. Acknowledging the emotional impact of relocation on both partners can help prevent resentment from building over time. For some couples, professional or relationship counselling can be a valuable source of support, particularly when adapting to new roles, routines and responsibilities overseas.

Disappointment that expectations don’t live up to reality

Initially, you might be thrilled about moving to a new country, with the chance to start afresh. But once the novelty starts to wear off and reality kicks in, some expat partners can begin to feel bored and withdrawn. Negative feelings such as these not only cause relationship problems but can even lead to expat depression.

It’s important for expats to take care of their mental health

Check out our top tips and where you can get support

Tips to overcome the challenges of being an expat spouse

While being an expat spouse can be challenging at times, there are some steps you can take to help you cope and seize the opportunity to enjoy your time away.

To make the most of your new experience, seasoned expat spouses suggest you:

1. Get counselling ahead of relocation – When you’re uprooting your entire life to live abroad, it’s essential to prepare well. Taking couples or family counselling before you leave can help to address any concerns you have and keep lines of communication open with your partner. Many companies also offer pre-assignment training covering things such as healthcare, education and social etiquette in the new location. This can help you get a better understanding of what to expect.
2. Learn the language – Getting to grips with the basics of the local language will make you feel less isolated as you’ll be able to communicate with people, make friends and carry out daily tasks like paying bills more easily. Practise with a language app like Duolingo before you go, then sign up for classroom lessons when you get there. This will also give you a chance to meet other expats with similar experiences.
3. Schedule date nights – Your partner may be busy with work most of the time, but it’s important to schedule some fun so you can unwind together. Whether it’s date nights, sightseeing trips or fitness classes, it gives you something to look forward to each week and shows that you value spending time with each other.
4. Try new things – Occupying your time can help with feelings of isolation. If you’re not working, think about volunteering instead. Could you use your skills to help a not-for-profit organisation? You might also consider taking up a new hobby, joining a sports club or even starting a family. These are all great ways to meet new people, get out of the house and feel a sense of purpose again.
5. Further your studies – Many spouses choose to return to college or university to study or upgrade their skillset. The opportunities are endless, whether you want to study for a master’s degree or take a teacher training course. You may be able to access free, part-funded or cheaper education in your new location. You could also supplement your learning by doing some paid freelancing or virtual PA work.

Permits Foundation and employment support for expat spouses

Organisations such as Permits Foundation continue to campaign for fairer work rights for expat spouses and partners. The foundation works with governments, employers and policymakers to promote international best practice, advocating for automatic work authorisation for legally resident spouses and partners.

In recent years, Permits Foundation has carried out international research and surveys involving hundreds of accompanying partners, highlighting the strong link between spouse employment, family wellbeing and the success of international assignments.

While some countries have introduced more flexible work rights for expat spouses, others continue to impose restrictions. This means employment opportunities for trailing partners can differ significantly depending on destination, making early research and planning essential before relocating abroad.

Work rights and visas for expat spouses

One of the biggest challenges for expat spouses is the right to work in their new country, as employment permission can vary significantly depending on immigration policy. While some destinations allow spouses and partners of foreign workers to take up employment freely, others place restrictions on the type of work permitted, whether a separate permit is required, or whether paid work is permitted at all.

Work rights for expat spouses vary widely depending on the destination country, the type of visa or permit held by the principal assignee, and the specific immigration rules that apply. In some cases, spouses may be granted automatic permission to work, while in others they must apply for a separate work permit—or may not be permitted to work at all.

Work permission may also depend on factors such as the length of the assignment, whether children are included, and whether the spouse intends to work locally or remotely.

Policy changes in some destinations showcase this variation. For example, as of May 2024, Ireland introduced a reform allowing eligible spouses and partners of certain employment permit holders to work in Ireland without needing a separate employment permit.

In contrast, Canada introduced tighter eligibility rules for open work permits for spouses effective in January 2025. Under the new criteria, spouses and common-law partners of international students and foreign workers can only apply for an open work permit if the principal applicant meets certain conditions, such as being enrolled in a longer-duration academic programme or employed in designated high-skill occupations with sufficient validity remaining on their own work permit.

Policies can also change over time as governments respond to labour market needs and immigration goals, so it’s important for expat families to check up-to-date visa and employment rules before relocating, especially if continuing or restarting a career is a priority.

Have you considered international life insurance for your family?

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Why do you need international family health insurance?

For expat spouses already navigating uncertainty, healthcare worries can add unnecessary stress.

Different countries have different healthcare systems, and many countries do not offer state-funded healthcare to expatriates. Therefore, depending on where you and your family move to, you may find yourselves having to pay for healthcare out of your own pocket.

Knowing your healthcare needs are taken care of can help you and your family enjoy time overseas to the full. Here are the main benefits that our plans give you:

1/ No need to navigate a public healthcare system

Every country has a different healthcare system, and some can be especially tricky to figure out. You and your family may find yourselves entitled to some costs through public healthcare, while others need to be paid out-of-pocket. Worse still, you may receive healthcare thinking it’s funded, only to be slapped with a huge bill at the end.

2/ Benefit from private healthcare

As an international family health insurance customer, you will be entitled to healthcare at private facilities. These often offers greater choice, shorter waiting times and more comfortable facilities.

3/ Find treatment in your native language

The thought of falling sick in a foreign country where you haven’t mastered the language can be daunting. What if you needed to communicate symptoms, or receive a diagnosis in a language you couldn’t understand?

4/ Take your healthcare with you wherever you go

As an expat, you’ll probably find yourself doing a lot of travelling – that’s part the expat lifestyle. So, you’ll be glad to know that when you take out international family health insurance, you’ll be covered not only in the country you become a resident, but in all countries included within your coverage zone.

5/ Can’t receive local treatment? Medical evacuation (medevac) will help

Depending on where you are in the world, if you have a life or limb-threatening condition, you may not be able to get the right treatment locally. This is where a medical evacuation (medevac) can help. A Medevac transports you to another country within your coverage zone for treatment that you could not receive in your country of residence.

With various levels of cover, international family health insurance offers flexible, tailor-made plans designed for expat families relocating overseas. We provide international family health insurance to expat families in 140 countries. No need to worry if you’re a frequent traveller or have children in school overseas – your policy works in multiple countries.

Deciding on international health insurance for your family?

Discover our tips on picking the right level of cover to suit your needs

Frequently asked questions about being an expat spouse

Can an expat spouse work abroad?

It depends on the country, visa type and the employment status of the main visa holder. Some countries grant automatic work rights to spouses, while others require a separate work permit or restrict employment altogether. Rules can change frequently, so it’s important to check the latest local regulations before relocating.

What is trailing spouse syndrome?

Trailing spouse syndrome describes feelings of loneliness, loss of identity and emotional distress that some expat spouses experience after relocating abroad. These feelings are particularly common in the first year and are often linked to cultural adjustment, loss of routine and reduced independence.

How long does it take to settle as an expat spouse?

There’s no fixed timeline. Many expat spouses say the first 6 to 12 months are the most challenging. Building a routine, social network and sense of purpose often takes longer than expected, especially when adjusting to a new culture or language.

What can expat spouses do if they can’t work abroad?

Some expat spouses choose to volunteer, study, retrain, freelance remotely or focus on personal projects. While not a replacement for employment, these options can help restore structure, confidence and a sense of purpose.

Is it normal for relationships to feel strained after moving abroad?

Yes. Relocation can shift relationship dynamics, particularly when one partner has a built-in work network and the other does not. Open communication, shared expectations and seeking support early can help couples adjust more smoothly.

Do expat spouses need international health insurance?

In many countries, expatriates are not entitled to state-funded healthcare, or access may be limited. International health insurance can help families manage healthcare costs, access private treatment and reduce uncertainty when living abroad.

Learn more about international health insurance

What expat spouses often wish they had known before moving

Many expat spouses say that the emotional impact of relocating comes as a surprise.

While practical arrangements such as visas, housing and healthcare are often carefully planned, the personal adjustment can take longer than expected.

Understanding that feelings of loneliness, uncertainty or loss of confidence are common, particularly in the first year abroad, can help expat spouses feel less isolated and more prepared for the transition.

Wherever you go, go with total peace of mind

Your well-being is just as important as your partner’s health when living abroad. At William Russell, we have over 30 years’ experience of helping expatriates finding best places in the world to move abroad and settle into their new lives overseas by providing world-class international health insurance. Plus, we produce lots of expert material to help you and your family adapt to life abroad.

Making the move to another country can be challenging. But no matter where you go, you can take one thing off your mind. William Russell offers global health insurance that covers you for everything from minor injuries to long hospital stays, and we provide medical evacuations to patients who require life or limb-saving treatment, where it’s not available locally.

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